Thoughts floating through my mind in the shower today.

Nothing in life is guaranteed, or guaranteed to last. No day, hour, or minute. No relationships. No career. No home. Nothing. It means that everything we’re given is precious. It is there only for a moment and we will never know for sure how long that is until it’s over. We can never re-live it or erase it. That’s one of the greatest ironies of life: you don’t see what’s there until it’s not there anymore. That is why you have to learn to love what you have, or who you have, when you can. Because someday you won’t be able to.

            Something I have learned anew in my time spent in Germany is the value of  the now. I came from a country where the feeling of time was a ticking clock or a fast emptying hourglass all facing the important milestones I needed to cross in my lifetime: Graduate high school, immediately enter college, graduate college, get my life long career, make money, get married, have kids and have them repeat the same process. I find myself asking, is that all I can do with my years of youth? Ones that are only given or “guaranteed” once in a lifetime? Of course everyone could agree to the statement that people can do whatever they want with their lives, the possibilities are endless. And I quite agree. But why is it that our society looks so down on any other path taken? Why is it that if you don’t enter college fresh out of high school you immediately receive raised eyebrows, furrowed eyebrows, or a look that makes you ashamed to say the words out loud? You immediately loose some imaginary credibility held by most people. Heck, even community college is looked down upon as if you aren’t quite good enough or doing enough.  Who says we need to have our shit together, know what we want to do for the entirety of our lives and grow up at 18 years old? I mean, who even says that is possible? For some people, sure. But it can’t be universalized. So much changes in a years timing. These are the years where we are still growing into ourselves, experiencing, experimenting, and learning. I know I am not the same version of myself now as I was at 18, yet alone one year ago. 

            I feel so grateful that I broke out of the mold I was trying so carefully to fit into. I could never put into words what my time here has meant to me or taught me. But I would say that I’ve learned more in the last 7 months living in another country than I have in my two years of college. Graduating high school I really had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and to be honest, I still don’t. But alas, three months after graduation I went to Portland State University majoring in Business. Of course, a big part of me wanted to go there but it wasn’t for the right reasons. I wasn’t looking forward to studying, and I had no confidence in what I was doing. I was looking forward to living in the city and “growing up”. But most importantly, I felt very relieved to be able to say I was going to college- and a University at that. It pleased my family, made them proud, it pleased friends’ parents, boyfriends’ parents, it pleased everybody around me- even strangers- but me. Although I didn’t really know that at the time. It was something that guaranteed acceptance and praise from my world.

Of course I should say that I think going to college and studying is great and it’s important, but I don’t think it’s important to do it at a specific age. Whether you go to school at 18 or 23 or 30 shouldn’t be put on a scale of better or worse. Life is about experiences and enjoying what you can out of each day. I am a believer that we, as individuals, never stop evolving in our lifetime. But once you find something that you love to do and are capable of doing it-at any age- you should study it or find a way to make it your life’s work.

I see more clearly than ever the rush that is engraved into us young Americans since I am no longer surrounded and hounded by it. Everyone is rushing to start their careers and a family. Everyone is anxious to make the permanent advances into their forever. What’s the rush? Why is it rare, feared, or looked down upon to take advantage of the years before all of that will come? I want to experience as much as I can in the years that I am free to do so. These are the only years in my life that I am really able to do, or to go, wherever I want to. And I don’t plan to skip it.

The more risks you take, the more you experience, the more you learn. Life was not meant to be lived in your comfort zone, and that is my philosophy. What I feel at peace with now is the fact that I don’t need to have it all figured out right at the moment. I have time. Before I left, I was going to school full time, completely uninspired with what I was doing and what I was learning, but I was afraid to take time off or change my path because I knew I was on the “right” one. I was afraid of how it would make me look. But I am thankful to be here; otherwise I would be in my third year of college, still anxious and unsure of what to major in. Now, I have not only learned so much about what is outside of my world, I have really learned what is inside mine. You can only learn through change after all.

My realization through this time is this: I’m only going to be able to live these young years of my life once. I’ve got time to figure my future all out. Or, maybe I won’t. Nothing is guaranteed. And if I don’t, then I am happy that I am here with months full of new experiences and sights in my pocket and a new feeling of freedom. If I were to die tonight, a year from now, or in 20 years, I would be grateful that I listened to my heart and made the leap to come here. It has forever enriched me. And that is guaranteed.

So I have finally made it back to my bed with my trusty macbook, a good play list, and too many pictures and experiences that have happened in the past month that I couldn't possibly write about them all. I am coming up to my three month mark of being here but it feels like I've been here for a lifetime. But I guess that's what happens when you pick yourself up and *plop!*- land yourself in a foreign country. Every day I encounter special people, conversations, and so far have had some very interesting adventures. This past month has been an especially happy one for me. I finished my language course so I was again given more time, which means more exploration! But more importantly, my mom was able to make the trek over the big pond to spend a couple weeks with me. We had a very special time together which was of no surprise. The first few days she was here we walked around the streets of Bad Godesberg and in the city of Bonn, and did a lot of sight seeing. (Beethoven's Haus, Schloss Augustusburg, Schoss Drachenburg, Konigswinter..) She had a much easier time adjusting to the time here than I did, and again as no surprise, Martin and Carmen and the kids loved her as well as she loved them. It was such a nice time. This is the busiest time for the family and Kunst!Rasen so I think my moms presence-and cooking skills- were very much appreciated!! She made mittagessen everyday while I watched the kids, and every meal was very enjoyed. It was really nice to have that taste of home too. My mom and I prepared burritos one day for mittagessen and it was a huge hit. I have never seen that reaction from Carmen before in terms of food so I am sure she'll be supportive of me making them again. On my moms first full day here we went to Bonn and ended our time in an Irish pub "James Joyce" where we drank a few dark and malty beers. We were walking home from the train station and were forced to stop in the empty mall for a toilette for my mom..beer moves fast as you may know. She was moving fast up the unmoving escalator stairs when her flip flops caught the wrong angle of the step and slid off leaving an unusually deep gash in her toe. I was laughing hard because I only saw her trip and maybe too because the beers were pretty heavy, but then her flip flop started to fill with blood. We got up to the floor and to the bathroom only to find the door was locked. By this time there is a trail of blood from the escalator, on a bench, and a puddle forming underneath her while she tried to keep it from bleeding although we had nothing to use for pressure! Thankfully a custodian found us. Immediately he turned around walked away, returning with a mop for me and an aid kit for mom. The rest of the trip she wore close-toed shoes and a big, white bandage on her toe.

Schloss Drachenburg

 Schloss Drachenburg atop of a castle tower overlooking the Rhine.

After a long day of sight seeing and lots of walking, I made my mom the very popular cocktail--the Aperol Spritzer. It's a bitter Italian liquor with dry Rose' and a citrus ring. Yummmmm.

After the first 4 days we were very blessed to be able to go back to Winnweiler, the tiny village in which we lived for 4 years. We actually stayed in Schweisweiler, an even smaller village consisting of just two streets just 5 minutes from Winnweiler. This area is so completely different than Bonn or any of the major cities in Germany and it was such an amazing thing to be there. We were in the true country of Germany. Rolling green hills, wooden fences keeping herds of cows, winding country roads, bails of hay, and different colored patches of agricultural fields. My mom and I actually woke to a roosters call in the mornings. We stayed in a beautiful and cozy barnhouse built in 1736. It was such a perfect sweet little home. It felt like a dream really. Or like we time traveled back to simpler times. Every day we were there we had wonderful family friends come from sun up to well past sun down, eating, drinking tea and wine, and enjoying good conversation in the living room with a fire. (Keep in mind it isn't feeling a thing like summer..) Some of these friends we haven't seen for 16 years, others only 10. Even so, there is much to learn and talk about and it was such a fun time. One of the nights we had 11 people together for raclette thanks to the amazing Birgit. We spent many hours in that small house and the memory of it is very special. Everything about our trip was miraculous as far as timing. The first time we were dropped off in Winnweiler a young man and a beautiful white retriever were crossing the street in front of our car. We "ooed" and "awwed" over the dog as they walked to a trail we were familiar to. We walked to the house we used to live in and I began to unpack my bag and camera as we planned to take some photos. At that point the same dog and owner were headed back our direction, in fact the dog ran right to us happy as can be. After only a couple words exchanged between the man and us, my mom asked if he lived anywhere around there. Turns out, our old house is now his. He was so friendly and welcomed us inside giving us a tour. We lived on the top two floors and my "Oma" ,Margot, lived in the bottom floor where he and his girlfriend now are. At that time the woman who lives upstairs was not home and so we decided to walk up the trail we used to walk often to see a war memorial and monument. He offered for us to take his dog with us since he could tell how much we loved her. I mean, talk about trust and friendliness! So off we went, dog in tow, and took the same path taken many times before to the monument with a view over the village. When we returned, the woman who lived in our home was now home and she graciously let us in as well. She was very kind and had two children. She is very artistic so the house is much more colorful than when we lived there but she has a nice eye for decor. It was really amazing and surreal to be inside the house that my sisters and I grew up in and to know I crawled up those same stairs, took my first steps in that kitchen, or that we danced together where her furniture now sits. As sentimental as it was, especially for my mom, we both felt very happy knowing such loving people live there now since it was such a special place for our family. 

 Our sweet little home in Schweisweiler.

 The house across the street. Where the rooster and chickens roamed freely.

 Winnweiler

 Raclette for 11!

 

 Then and now.

 

An den Hopfengarten Strasse 5

 

 The Rossgers. Such fun time was spend with these people!

 Last day in Schweisweiler. We were not ready to leave.

 To send us off on our last day to Bonn, Gabby, Oma's best friend had us over for mittagessen and good wine.

 The wine region of Germany.. seems pretty accurate.

On mom's last day and night in Germany we spent our time in Heidelberg, where we both agreed was our favorite, or one of our favorite, city/spots in Germany. It has such a special and almost romantic feel to it. There is a lot of history in these cobble stone streets and buildings, along with the churches and of course the castle. The streets were packed with people and so many need little shops- not the chain H&M or other clothing stores. We were there with another old friend of my moms, Martina, who lives by Heidelberg so we had someone who knew the area well and was an amazing host. She is very sweet and fun. We had such a good time together, eating cake and drinking tea, walking the city streets, touring the castle grounds (crashing a private bank party), and then when a rain storm hit, we ran into a small frenchy wine bar where we drank some wine over candle light. I said romantic, right? It was such a perfect end to our time together and my mom got to see the one last friend on her list before her departure. Heidelberg felt almost magical and, again, will be a time I don't think we can forget.

View from the castle over the city.

 

 The streets of Heidelberg.

 Right before the rain came.

There are many things that I have left out, but it would take me days to fit all that I and we have done in this post. Most importantly I want to thank my mom for being such an amazing person who has never failed to bring me support, love, and most of all--laughter, through all my days. I am undeserving but very thankful to have such a good friend and mentor for life. She is the kind of person everybody loves and she inspires me to become a little more gentle and patient as she didn't pass that gene on to me.. thank you for all of our laughs and tears and memories! You are the greatest. I miss you already. 

Travel slow, see more..

I am getting more settled here as my schedule is becoming constant and my sleep schedule is finally in place. I am now able to go to bed before 2 or 3 a.m. which the first month here I never could! I am really happy that I am traveling the way that I am. I feel like I am getting the most authentic and full experience and understanding of Germany, and the European culture. I am not here for a few weeks or even a term in school with other students, but I am living the day to day life with a German family and I am thrown into this world for exactly what it is. It is really one of the coolest things I've ever experienced and so far I'd say this is one of, if not the best, chapter in my life thus far. 

So, last weekend I met up with a friend Christopher in Bruhl a city not far from Bonn on the fast train. Christopher is a son of the our long-term family friends, the Ingenhutts. He was born just the month before me and so we have literally known each other since the diaper days. It had been a little over 10 years since we last saw each other so it was really cool to meet as adults, catch up, and explore the Augustusburg Palace together! The palace was absolutely amazing, and there were so many intricate details in every inch of each room it almost hurts the eyeballs--but in a good way. Again, I am just amazed with the work and dedication people put, and have put, into the architecture here. It's something I'm not used to and so I am still shocked every time I experience this. This Baroque palace was built in the 18th century by the archbishop of Cologne, Clemens August of Bavaria. It took 61 years to finish. This palace was actually just a summer home for him, all 8 floors by what Christopher and I calculated, and occasionally he would stay there on his way to his other residences. Apparently the life of an archbishop was the one to live during the 1700's. 

 Old man would not move his head.....

 At a side view up the grand stair case. Unfortunately we couldn't take photos, I tried but was caught as soon as we went up the stairs. Above this is an amazing painted dome that I wanted so badly to capture.

The room for the dinner parties.

 Further down we came to this huge pond. All I needed was a paddle boat and a book.

 

Christopher and I after a long day of touring, talking, walking, and eating a fantastic meal on the palace grounds.

I haven't been able to travel around or do as much as far as my own activities the past couple weeks due to the Sprachschule (language school). I have it every morning of the week and then watch the kids as soon as I am home until evening. Luckily this course is only 4 weeks so I will again have some free time to go out more and enjoy the last month of the summer! Nonetheless, I am very happy to be taking the class and learning more of the language. I am lucky to live with a family who pays and provides that for me. 

The other evening while the kids were watching their show, I decided to paint my nails since they have been naked for a month or two. For the record, Carmen is not into cosmetics so nail polish is foreign in this household. Justus caught me painting my nails and immediately said "Ich auch!" (Me too). I told him it was only for ladies, trying to persuade him otherwise because I didn't know how  Carmen and Martin would like it, but he insisted. I agreed to paint one thumb, and his face brightened so much. So, he ended up with a full manicure and pedicure. And, of course, little miss Lotte too. No body wants to be left out! 

 Nail party!!

Blowing his fresh painted coat :)

Because I am relying on public transportation while I'm here, I generally have about 20 minutes after class before my train comes. I decided to walk around and explore more streets this week instead of sitting at the station reading my book. Here are a couple snap shots of the inner city in Bonn. 

 Part of a Blumen Haus. I am in love with all of them.

Treat by the fountain...vanille croissant and erd berres. Translated as "Earth berries" aka, strawberries.

On Friday night we went to a graduation and birthday party of Carmen and Martin's old neighbors. Their daughter Nicole, who works at Kunst Rasen, graduated this month and her mother was celebrating a belated birthday. It was such a fun party. Lots of good food and most importantly, good drinks. I have really grown to love wheat beer so I had more of that than anything else. Every body that I've met here has been so kind and open that it just makes my time here that much happier and enjoyable. Of course this is a generalization, but it's not an exaggerated one when I say that the people here live a simpler life, but at the same time it's much richer than what is the "norm" back home. People are very much themselves and it's not about the outward appearance you make of yourself or your life. Everyone I've met has been so honest and so real that I finally feel like I am in a place where I can be that way too without being labeled as rude. I have found a place for me.

On Saturday night Dieter Thomas Kuhn came to Kunst Rasen. He and his band dress head to toe in the classic 1970's gear including bangs shaped into waves, sequined suits and collared shirts, and unbuttoned shirts revealing tons of chest hair. This was a big event and each concert goer dressed appropriately to the era and many wore full costumes. This was hands down the weirdest, but one of the most fun, concerts/ experiences of my life. The band played what would be considered classic German folk music, which was actually really dorky in my opinion. The crowd was so energetic that it didn't matter. Everyone was passing big buckets of beer over head and singing loudly and proudly, as well as dancing. It was so so fun! 

Carmens' sister-in-law and her daughters.

 Channeling my inner flower child.

 

  

 After the concert there was a "Silent Disco" inside the tented area at Kunst. This is the first time I've ever experienced this, let alone heard of it. Basically, each goer gets a pair of headphones that has two channel options which are connected to two live DJ's so you can choose which channel you want. The thing that struck me was when I first walked into the tent; it looked like a club scene, colorful lights, people dancing all over, and a stage with DJs...except there was no music. haha! It is so funny to observe this when you don't have the head phones on. One woman was even making her own music on a bucket drum and she could seriously play! Carmen loved it so much that we stayed until the music stopped at 2 am. Lucky for me I got to sleep in until 11 on Sunday morning and I didn't even miss breakfast :)

 Sunday breakfast on the terrace. This was before the meat and cheese board came onto the table as well.

 After breakfast I packed an apple along with my new book and some water and headed to a small beach on the Rhine. I spent hours laying on hot golden sand, reading in a silent breeze, and soaking in the sun. I don't know the last time I've been this relaxed- mind, body and soul. My view of these two castles were actually very close and much bigger than in the picture. My iphone zooms out on my subject and isn't true to size. Underneath the castles and all along the hill sides are vineyards. A beautiful view in every way. 

 Not a bad view to have for a couple hours with a great new book ;) I will definitely be coming back here on my Sunday's from here on out. It was a small and silent slice of heaven.

I love this life.