Nothing in life is guaranteed, or
guaranteed to last. No day, hour, or minute. No relationships. No career. No
home. Nothing. It means that everything we’re given is precious. It is there
only for a moment and we will never know for sure how long that is until it’s
over. We can never re-live it or erase it. That’s one of the greatest ironies
of life: you don’t see what’s there until it’s not there anymore. That is why
you have to learn to love what you have, or who you have, when you can. Because
someday you won’t be able to.
Something I
have learned anew in my time spent in Germany is the value of the now.
I came from a country where the feeling of time was a ticking clock or a fast
emptying hourglass all facing the important milestones I needed to cross in my
lifetime: Graduate high school, immediately enter college, graduate college,
get my life long career, make money, get married, have kids and have them
repeat the same process. I find myself asking, is that all I can do with my
years of youth? Ones that are only given or “guaranteed” once in a lifetime? Of
course everyone could agree to the statement that people can do whatever they
want with their lives, the possibilities are endless. And I quite agree. But
why is it that our society looks so down on any other path taken? Why is it
that if you don’t enter college fresh out of high school you immediately
receive raised eyebrows, furrowed eyebrows, or a look that makes you ashamed to
say the words out loud? You immediately loose some imaginary credibility held
by most people. Heck, even community college is looked down upon as if you
aren’t quite good enough or doing enough. Who says we need to have our shit together,
know what we want to do for the entirety of our lives and grow up at 18 years
old? I mean, who even says that is possible? For some people, sure. But it
can’t be universalized. So much changes in a years timing. These are the years
where we are still growing into ourselves, experiencing, experimenting, and
learning. I know I am not the same version of myself now as I was at 18, yet
alone one year ago.
I feel so
grateful that I broke out of the mold I was trying so carefully to fit into. I
could never put into words what my time here has meant to me or taught me. But
I would say that I’ve learned more in the last 7 months living in another
country than I have in my two years of college. Graduating high school I really
had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and to be honest, I still don’t.
But alas, three months after graduation I went to Portland State University
majoring in Business. Of course, a big part of me wanted to go there but it
wasn’t for the right reasons. I wasn’t looking forward to studying, and I had
no confidence in what I was doing. I was looking forward to living in the city
and “growing up”. But most importantly, I felt very relieved to be able to say
I was going to college- and a University at that. It pleased my family, made
them proud, it pleased friends’ parents, boyfriends’ parents, it pleased
everybody around me- even strangers- but me. Although I didn’t really know that
at the time. It was something that guaranteed acceptance and praise from my
world.
Of course I should say that I think
going to college and studying is great and it’s important, but I don’t think
it’s important to do it at a specific age. Whether you go to school at 18 or 23
or 30 shouldn’t be put on a scale of better or worse. Life is about experiences
and enjoying what you can out of each day. I am a believer that we, as
individuals, never stop evolving in our lifetime. But once you find something
that you love to do and are capable of doing it-at any age- you should study it
or find a way to make it your life’s work.
I see more clearly than ever the
rush that is engraved into us young Americans since I am no longer surrounded
and hounded by it. Everyone is rushing to start their careers and a family.
Everyone is anxious to make the permanent advances into their forever. What’s
the rush? Why is it rare, feared, or looked down upon to take advantage of the
years before all of that will come? I want to experience as much as I can in
the years that I am free to do so. These are the only years in my life that I
am really able to do, or to go, wherever I want to. And I don’t plan to skip
it.
The more risks you take, the more
you experience, the more you learn. Life was not meant to be lived in your
comfort zone, and that is my philosophy. What I feel at peace with now is the
fact that I don’t need to have it all figured out right at the moment. I have
time. Before I left, I was going to school full time, completely uninspired
with what I was doing and what I was learning, but I was afraid to take time
off or change my path because I knew I was on the “right” one. I was afraid of
how it would make me look. But I am thankful to be here; otherwise I would be
in my third year of college, still anxious and unsure of what to major in. Now,
I have not only learned so much about what is outside of my world, I have
really learned what is inside mine. You can only learn through change after all.
My realization through this time is
this: I’m only going to be able to live these young years of my life once. I’ve
got time to figure my future all out. Or, maybe I won’t. Nothing is guaranteed.
And if I don’t, then I am happy that I am here with months full of new
experiences and sights in my pocket and a new feeling of freedom. If I were to
die tonight, a year from now, or in 20 years, I would be grateful that I
listened to my heart and made the leap to come here. It has forever enriched
me. And that is guaranteed.
